so i was out on davie street earlier tonight cuz i was looking for something. and i parked a little bit away from where i was gonna go to so that i could also had a little walk, with fresh air.
as i was walking happily up davie street, i thought to myself, "let's really take in some night time fresh air and enjoy it." so i proceeded to take a deep breath... i didn't know i was right next to a parked bus and , at the same time i was taking my let's-have-some-nice-night-time-fresh-air breath, it suddenly sped away leaving behind pure air pollution.... my lungs didn't like that.
a few minutes later, up 2 blocks or so, i decided to try again. no bus stop around me, good. i opened up my nostrils and sucked in -- some guy with disgusting cologne rushed pass me from left to right..... the back of my nose burned a little.
a few minutes later, not having learned my lessons -- u see, i'm stubborn -- i decided to try yet again. ok, no bus stop or ppl around me this time (i actually side-stepped away from any possible moving 'things' including bus/car or ppl)...
at the third, and final, attempt of the night to have a nice deep breath of fresh air, i took it right next to our very fabulous davie-street-speical pink trash can.
Jan 29, 2007
new toy pt 3
put all 3 of them together.... *drooling drooling*
it's almost like computer stuff gone Wii style lol
upcoming movie
there'r chris evans, michelle yeoh, and cillian murphy AND the director of transpotting and 28 days later.
i. am. so. gonna. watch. that!!
yet another hilarious quote from my mom
ever since when i mysteriously lost 20lbs in 3yrs during high school (from 150 to below 130) my parents have been obsessed with my weight. due to gyming, i got bigger recently and one of my cousins, during that family dinner saturday night, said, "u look bigger, been working out?" my mom heard what she said and turned to me with such excitement in her eyes:
"can u take ur shirt off and let me take a picture, ur dad really wanna see it."
"can u take ur shirt off and let me take a picture, ur dad really wanna see it."
Jan 28, 2007
saturday night family dinner
so as i said, my mom (and brother) r here, which means tons of relatives here will wanna get together and have a big dinner. at the dinner table, there were about 3 couples around the age of late 50's. and the conversations between them evolved around...
1) menopause, hot flashes, and mid life crisis
2) cancer, tumor, current diseases and what they think will work (u don't wanna know lol)
3) an aunt of mine apparently is clinically depressed and his a neurotic son
4) an uncle of mine apparently is cheating on his wife, with 3 other women in china o_O
and they were loud!
1) menopause, hot flashes, and mid life crisis
2) cancer, tumor, current diseases and what they think will work (u don't wanna know lol)
3) an aunt of mine apparently is clinically depressed and his a neurotic son
4) an uncle of mine apparently is cheating on his wife, with 3 other women in china o_O
and they were loud!
Jan 27, 2007
my mom has arrived............
so as i posted, my mom and brother r gonna be here for 10 days. i picked them up from the airport yesterday and drove them around to get their stuff done for 5hrs -- at the end of the night, my head was melting from the inside...
my brother, benny, has a girlfriend here even though he has moved back to hk permanently living with our parents almost a yr ago and he asked me to go pick her up so that she can come along to have mom's driver's license renewed and renting a car -- "it's on the way anyways" he said. no it wasn't.
me driving, benny was sitting next to me and my mom was at the back. obviously, benny would wanna sit at the back with his girlfriend since they haven't seen each other for months, so he asked, "later, do u wanna sit at the front, cuz it's not comfortable at the back." coward. my mom, being as u-should-only-care-about-me-and-no-one-else as ever, said "i'm comfortable back here."
because of recent events in my life, i understood the pain of missing someone -- and at least his situation was a two-way street -- so i did what was very untraditional for a chinese family by telling her off, "u know they haven't seen each other for months, can't u be nice?"
after a few moments of silence, my mom started cleaning up the back seats, "well, let me clean this up so that ppl can sit here comfortably." queen of passive aggressiveness -- she was trying to make me feel guilty and to show herself as "nice" by suddenly cleaning my back seats.
we arrived at the girlfriend's apt building and he went to get her. both me and my mom got outside of the car to get some fresh air. and she wouldn't let the it go, "so how come u'r so suddenly in-tune with relationship stuff?" i unwillingly replied, "because i got dumped."
here's the thing -- my mom, even when i was a little kid, always tried to tell me (directly or indirectly) that i should not love or have any affection for anyone else other than inside the family. meaning = HER
so the rest of the conversation was like this:
"because i got dumped."
"how long were u two .. 'together'?"
"8 months."
"that's not long."
"not short either."
"it's still not long."
"when u fell in love with a person u fell in love with a person."
"is felling in love and all that stuff so important to u?"
benny and his girlfriend showed up, talking and smiling. they seemed happy.
my brother, benny, has a girlfriend here even though he has moved back to hk permanently living with our parents almost a yr ago and he asked me to go pick her up so that she can come along to have mom's driver's license renewed and renting a car -- "it's on the way anyways" he said. no it wasn't.
me driving, benny was sitting next to me and my mom was at the back. obviously, benny would wanna sit at the back with his girlfriend since they haven't seen each other for months, so he asked, "later, do u wanna sit at the front, cuz it's not comfortable at the back." coward. my mom, being as u-should-only-care-about-me-and-no-one-else as ever, said "i'm comfortable back here."
because of recent events in my life, i understood the pain of missing someone -- and at least his situation was a two-way street -- so i did what was very untraditional for a chinese family by telling her off, "u know they haven't seen each other for months, can't u be nice?"
after a few moments of silence, my mom started cleaning up the back seats, "well, let me clean this up so that ppl can sit here comfortably." queen of passive aggressiveness -- she was trying to make me feel guilty and to show herself as "nice" by suddenly cleaning my back seats.
we arrived at the girlfriend's apt building and he went to get her. both me and my mom got outside of the car to get some fresh air. and she wouldn't let the it go, "so how come u'r so suddenly in-tune with relationship stuff?" i unwillingly replied, "because i got dumped."
here's the thing -- my mom, even when i was a little kid, always tried to tell me (directly or indirectly) that i should not love or have any affection for anyone else other than inside the family. meaning = HER
so the rest of the conversation was like this:
"because i got dumped."
"how long were u two .. 'together'?"
"8 months."
"that's not long."
"not short either."
"it's still not long."
"when u fell in love with a person u fell in love with a person."
"is felling in love and all that stuff so important to u?"
benny and his girlfriend showed up, talking and smiling. they seemed happy.
Jan 26, 2007
thursday night
i've just realized that i haven't given "him" a name here yet; i've always referred to him as "him". so, i'm calling him "piggy" MUAHAHAHAA i know he reads this blog (i read his regularly too) and i know he's gonna hate me for calling him that, but... i really don't know what else to call u :)
so thursday night it was supposed to be tv night -- ugly betty and grey's anatomy -- but i found out there was no ugly betty so i thought may be me and piggy should only have dinner instead. dinner, one-on-one, i thought, would give us a chance to learn to talk to each other casually as friends, cuz we've never done that before.
however, as i was napping that afternoon (that was the afternoon i wrote the "encouragement" post, so yeah, didn't go to gym.... MB convinced me, i blame him), piggy called and said that dinner plan had changed -- let's add on about 8 of his friends.... o_O
i knew i was in trouble right away -- i used to be bored and left out enough when me and him were bfs, now i was gonna sit at a table with him and 8 of his friends, all speaking fast mandarin. yeah, i guess i'll just sit there and... sit there.
i always say, "give ppl a chance, and they'll surprise u." piggy did. shortly after ordering, he switched seats to sit across from me. his friend who switched seat with him asked why but he didn't say why. and then his friend looked at me and smiled, and i smiled too. for the rest of the dinner, he talked to me a few times, and i talked to him a few times. i even joined in on a big conversation about "how sperm sample is taken at a clinic" lol (someone said using a needle is better than the "natural" way.... OUCH!)
so all and all it was a good night. i thought i would have to sit there and rot, but he didn't let that happen.
just thought i would write about that night. no punch line at the end or anything ^_^
so thursday night it was supposed to be tv night -- ugly betty and grey's anatomy -- but i found out there was no ugly betty so i thought may be me and piggy should only have dinner instead. dinner, one-on-one, i thought, would give us a chance to learn to talk to each other casually as friends, cuz we've never done that before.
however, as i was napping that afternoon (that was the afternoon i wrote the "encouragement" post, so yeah, didn't go to gym.... MB convinced me, i blame him), piggy called and said that dinner plan had changed -- let's add on about 8 of his friends.... o_O
i knew i was in trouble right away -- i used to be bored and left out enough when me and him were bfs, now i was gonna sit at a table with him and 8 of his friends, all speaking fast mandarin. yeah, i guess i'll just sit there and... sit there.
i always say, "give ppl a chance, and they'll surprise u." piggy did. shortly after ordering, he switched seats to sit across from me. his friend who switched seat with him asked why but he didn't say why. and then his friend looked at me and smiled, and i smiled too. for the rest of the dinner, he talked to me a few times, and i talked to him a few times. i even joined in on a big conversation about "how sperm sample is taken at a clinic" lol (someone said using a needle is better than the "natural" way.... OUCH!)
so all and all it was a good night. i thought i would have to sit there and rot, but he didn't let that happen.
just thought i would write about that night. no punch line at the end or anything ^_^
Jan 25, 2007
encouragement needed
on my 27th birthday (2 weeks ago), i made a decision -- gain 10lbs before the next new yrs eve. which means i have to do alot of gym and eat alot. which i can do and have been doing (and i've gotten some results -- as good of results as 2 weeks can give ya).
BUT I'M SO TIRED TODAY!!!!!!!
i'm totally and completely whining. but i have an excuse -- *drum music* wait for it, wait for it -- i couldn't fell aspleep. i was too stupid and careless and had 4 cups of green tea around 11pm (we were having sushi).
lack of sleep lack of sleep lack of sleep
today is abs/waist day.... i really should go......
god! am i still writing this???
ok, to encourage myself.... here's a pic of some guy doing what i should go to do lol
BUT I'M SO TIRED TODAY!!!!!!!
i'm totally and completely whining. but i have an excuse -- *drum music* wait for it, wait for it -- i couldn't fell aspleep. i was too stupid and careless and had 4 cups of green tea around 11pm (we were having sushi).
lack of sleep lack of sleep lack of sleep
today is abs/waist day.... i really should go......
god! am i still writing this???
ok, to encourage myself.... here's a pic of some guy doing what i should go to do lol
fun fun fun!!!
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
i found this site through a profile in downelink -- so much funny stuff!!!
Jan 24, 2007
"tolerance"?
i generally agree to the idea of the video, of course. but i don't think we should be tolerated.
to tolerate something, u ignore "it". u do not attempt to understand "it" and to be critical about what u assume is true about "it".
tolerating will not solve problems and will not help anyone to be a better person.
we all need to think more and understand more.
Jan 23, 2007
let's pause for a minute
at first when i started to write my blog (less than two weeks ago i guess), i kinda thought to myself, "no one is ever gonna read this, so i guess i'll have to remind myself that i'm just writing for myself." but recently, i realized that there'r a few ppl who come read regularly :)so, i would like to take a moment and thank you for all the ppl who visit here and read my stuff.
thank you! thank you! thank you!
^_^
HD - Porn???
here's something fun fun fun!! (no is not porn-porn, it's an article lol)
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/22/business/media/22porn.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/22/business/media/22porn.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
i fell in love with the song when it first came out and i started being able to relate to the lyrics about two months ago. but u see, that's a bad thing -- the guy was in love with someone who wasn't in love with him.
i knew it. i knew he wasn't in love with me. i was in denial and chose to ignore my instinct; i chose to be stupid. yeah, "stupid", that's the first word that comes to mind for describing what i was.
i should have said something or asked him earlier. i should have been the mature one. i should have been smart about it.
but u see, i was in love.
Jan 22, 2007
so "gay"? so "pretty boy"?
when i was 14, i was forced to do my first set of bench presses (that's when u lie down and lift up a steel bar with weights attached to each end of the bar). it was painful and i hated it -- no dad, i don't see the point!
u see. when my dad was young, he actually worked out ALOT. it was the 70's in hk and no one worked out, but he did. i've seen a pic of him on the beach back in the days; it was impressive (that's the only way of saying "he had a hot body" without any incestuous subtext - HA!!).
our family is very close to my mom's sister's family and she has 3 kids, all boys, all started lifting weights from god knows when. and 2 out of 3 of them started using protein powder before graduating high school.
my older brother (by 3yrs), was very close to the middle one of the 3 brothers. so my brother freaking bonded with my dad and the middle brother through lifting weights.
so i was surrounded by a bunch of how-much-can-u-bench-press-now freaks all the time.
to make it worse, when i was 16 (still haven't touched that bench-press monstrosity since that one time), i fell in love with a friend of mine, straight, who started working out furiously, and then, of course, became even more so i-wanna-touch-him attractive.
so no, gay guys who work out aren't so "gay" so "pretty boy".
u see. when my dad was young, he actually worked out ALOT. it was the 70's in hk and no one worked out, but he did. i've seen a pic of him on the beach back in the days; it was impressive (that's the only way of saying "he had a hot body" without any incestuous subtext - HA!!).
our family is very close to my mom's sister's family and she has 3 kids, all boys, all started lifting weights from god knows when. and 2 out of 3 of them started using protein powder before graduating high school.
my older brother (by 3yrs), was very close to the middle one of the 3 brothers. so my brother freaking bonded with my dad and the middle brother through lifting weights.
so i was surrounded by a bunch of how-much-can-u-bench-press-now freaks all the time.
to make it worse, when i was 16 (still haven't touched that bench-press monstrosity since that one time), i fell in love with a friend of mine, straight, who started working out furiously, and then, of course, became even more so i-wanna-touch-him attractive.
so no, gay guys who work out aren't so "gay" so "pretty boy".
mmmm.... yum.........
just as so many unhealthy foods that make u self-loath afterwards, lusting after guys in the gym is the same - unhealthy and makes u self-loath with i-wish-i-looked-like-that and why-am-i-ugly.
and just as so many unhealthy foods - "but it's so good....!!!!"
lol
Jan 21, 2007
ok fine, i'll admit it, i'm not that fine Pt 2
who was that idiot who said "let's get freaking drunk first and then go out to celeb"??
who was that idiot who starting doing drinking-and-msging?
it's almost 11am and my head's still spinning........... grrrrrrrr
as twisted and damaged as ever..
Jan 20, 2007
ok fine, i'll admit it, i'm not that fine
this week, i went to the gym from monday to thursday, everyday, hardcore-sweaty-torturing-myself kinda attitude, everyday. and yesterday, i was not suppose to go because u'r supposed to give ur body a rest so that i can recover and grow. i went again.
i was just sitting at home, still having that so-not-going thought in my head, but i had nothing to do. and upon that empty and blankness i panic. i either felt a wave of sadness coming or was afraid of a wave of sadness coming and i just had to find something to do. and somehow, forcing my body and having pain seems suitable; so i went again.
i'm fine about losing him as my bf; but i guess i'm not fine about being single and being physically alone at home with nothing to do. it makes me feel lonely. and when i feel lonely because i'm single, i feel i'm such a loser for being so weak. and when i feel like i'm so weak i feel more lonely and the the spiral -- much like that pink energizer rabbit-- just keeps going and going and going.....
so, no, i'm not fine. still as twisted-and-damaged as ever (any grey's anatomy fans here?).
i was just sitting at home, still having that so-not-going thought in my head, but i had nothing to do. and upon that empty and blankness i panic. i either felt a wave of sadness coming or was afraid of a wave of sadness coming and i just had to find something to do. and somehow, forcing my body and having pain seems suitable; so i went again.
i'm fine about losing him as my bf; but i guess i'm not fine about being single and being physically alone at home with nothing to do. it makes me feel lonely. and when i feel lonely because i'm single, i feel i'm such a loser for being so weak. and when i feel like i'm so weak i feel more lonely and the the spiral -- much like that pink energizer rabbit-- just keeps going and going and going.....
so, no, i'm not fine. still as twisted-and-damaged as ever (any grey's anatomy fans here?).
who are "you"?
a ninety two yr old woman, of japanese ethnicity with dead husband and children, said this (in english) to MB, a friend of mine when he was studying in japan...
my children didn't define me, they added meaning to my life.
my husband wasn't my life, he was a witness to my life.
who am "I"..?
Jan 19, 2007
as seen on the ellen degeneres show
in an email that ellen read to her audience:
"T.R., every time a star comes out of the closet, a closeted boy stays above the ground."
"T.R., every time a star comes out of the closet, a closeted boy stays above the ground."
here we are
i was a bit nervous. it was the first time seeing him after our breakup six days ago. seems like a long time ago looking back.
my plan was to get over there, watch the new episodes of ugly betty and grey's anatomy together and then turn off the tv and try to have a conversation with him. a conversation about the break up and about what's been through my head.
i didn't know where to sit in his room to watch tv, or what to say or how often should i make small talks; i didn't know how to interact with him. i said we should be friends, so of course acting like friends should be a big part - dah!! but trying to cross over the threshold is the hardest part.
i wanted to do this because i felt that i needed to. i was searching for closure. i needed to have two things happen: to tell him more about my thoughts/feelings, and to try to have him tell me mine. (apparently it was "torturous" for him to be expressing lol)
i can't say in details what we said to each other, but i finally heard what i need to hear from him - his side of the story. i found my closure. i'm very happy that he was willing to open up and say what was on his mind. *it wasn't so difficult now, was it?*
when i got home, i found a new post on his blog. it was about tonight. the last two lines, it translates to:
thank you very much justin , having met you is my fortune
it's from the heart......
so i posted a comment for that entry:
thank you for ur last two lines of kind words.
and for me, i never regretted having met u and being with u
i don't feel regret even after having been through all that pain (which i never blamed u)
and i certainly cherish the happy times we shared
i'm happy to have had u by my side as my boyfriend
and now i'm happy to have u by my side as my good friend
认识了你真是我的福气 ^_^
(translate: having met you is my fortune)
my plan was to get over there, watch the new episodes of ugly betty and grey's anatomy together and then turn off the tv and try to have a conversation with him. a conversation about the break up and about what's been through my head.
i didn't know where to sit in his room to watch tv, or what to say or how often should i make small talks; i didn't know how to interact with him. i said we should be friends, so of course acting like friends should be a big part - dah!! but trying to cross over the threshold is the hardest part.
i wanted to do this because i felt that i needed to. i was searching for closure. i needed to have two things happen: to tell him more about my thoughts/feelings, and to try to have him tell me mine. (apparently it was "torturous" for him to be expressing lol)
i can't say in details what we said to each other, but i finally heard what i need to hear from him - his side of the story. i found my closure. i'm very happy that he was willing to open up and say what was on his mind. *it wasn't so difficult now, was it?*
when i got home, i found a new post on his blog. it was about tonight. the last two lines, it translates to:
thank you very much justin , having met you is my fortune
it's from the heart......
so i posted a comment for that entry:
thank you for ur last two lines of kind words.
and for me, i never regretted having met u and being with u
i don't feel regret even after having been through all that pain (which i never blamed u)
and i certainly cherish the happy times we shared
i'm happy to have had u by my side as my boyfriend
and now i'm happy to have u by my side as my good friend
认识了你真是我的福气 ^_^
(translate: having met you is my fortune)
Jan 18, 2007
this is what my friend said...
this is what my friend said last night while we were all watching the ppl on american idol humiliated themselves, "what K would do with his friends is that they would cover the tv and everything around it with see-through plastic and throw food at it!"
o_O
o_O
fire Isaiah Washington already!!!
back in october, Isaiah Washington (dr. burke) called T.R. Knight a faggot on set. Patrick Dempsey was not impressed and got into an argument with Washington.
the next day, it was on almost all front pages of anything imaginable. Knight was outed involuntarily and Washington was a jackass.
forward to the present: golden globes - grey's anatomy won and as usual, the cast and writer(s)/producers had a press conference to do - the writer(s), glowing like u wouldn't believe, stood at the front with the microphone while the entire cast, grinning like u wouldn't believe, was standing in a single-file each next to one another facing the press and their quesitons - "how do u guys feel?" "did u guys know u guys would win?" "Did Isaiah Washington call T.R. Knight a FAGGOT?" What???????
before the writer(s) could response, Washington jumped out of formation and pushed his face infront of the writer(s)' face and onto the microphone, " i did not call him a faggot." The entire cast wasn't grinning anymore.
the next day, it was on almost all front pages of anything imaginable. Knight was outed involuntarily and Washington was a jackass.
forward to the present: golden globes - grey's anatomy won and as usual, the cast and writer(s)/producers had a press conference to do - the writer(s), glowing like u wouldn't believe, stood at the front with the microphone while the entire cast, grinning like u wouldn't believe, was standing in a single-file each next to one another facing the press and their quesitons - "how do u guys feel?" "did u guys know u guys would win?" "Did Isaiah Washington call T.R. Knight a FAGGOT?" What???????
before the writer(s) could response, Washington jumped out of formation and pushed his face infront of the writer(s)' face and onto the microphone, " i did not call him a faggot." The entire cast wasn't grinning anymore.
Jan 17, 2007
Happily Never After
"Happily N-ever After"??
i'm totally sadly forever after having seen it!!
i remember the days of toy story and those good animation movies. they were very good cuz animation wasn't popular so they had to make the story lines and characters very well and memorable in order to draw in audience. but nowadays that animations are popular, they are starting to make crap!!!!!!!!
but if u really wanna see it, or have seen it (oh poor u), here's a funny thing. the step-mom's high heel shoes have no heels O_O
Jan 16, 2007
0116
it was a busy day today.
woke up had breakfast, then cleaned my room. been putting it off for a week now because of the recent drama. then i did my computer/email stuff. cooked had lunch and went to costco and then the gym for the second day in a row~~ YAY~~~ i think it was a pretty productive afternoon ^_^ *pat myself on the shoulder*
but the really good thing is that i think i really did make a friend from saturday night :) remember there were a few guys i met at the party and went out to clubbing with after on that saturday night? well, i called one of them, here i'll him MB. can't really give out his real name now can i? lol
anyways, we went to see Happily Never After, which was such a #%^%-ing bad movie HAHAAHA shoot my brains out kinda bad. but after we went for dinner and talked quite a bit. and then went back to his place and talked even more. he a very nice person and very open minded. the kind of ppl that i feel comfortable around with.
in a parallel universe, i would want to date him. cute, smart, tall, healthy, nester, etc but 1) not the right time, and 2) i'm sure a friendship with him will last longer and much more valuable ^_^
woke up had breakfast, then cleaned my room. been putting it off for a week now because of the recent drama. then i did my computer/email stuff. cooked had lunch and went to costco and then the gym for the second day in a row~~ YAY~~~ i think it was a pretty productive afternoon ^_^ *pat myself on the shoulder*
but the really good thing is that i think i really did make a friend from saturday night :) remember there were a few guys i met at the party and went out to clubbing with after on that saturday night? well, i called one of them, here i'll him MB. can't really give out his real name now can i? lol
anyways, we went to see Happily Never After, which was such a #%^%-ing bad movie HAHAAHA shoot my brains out kinda bad. but after we went for dinner and talked quite a bit. and then went back to his place and talked even more. he a very nice person and very open minded. the kind of ppl that i feel comfortable around with.
in a parallel universe, i would want to date him. cute, smart, tall, healthy, nester, etc but 1) not the right time, and 2) i'm sure a friendship with him will last longer and much more valuable ^_^
Jan 14, 2007
cool to be a dork ^_^
so it was getting late and the party was dying down and there was still clubbing after, and that's when my stomach decided to tell me to eat - fruits. it was pretty much at the part of the party that all everyone wants to have pass down their throat is more liquor. me eat fruit? me dork!after raiding the fridge, there was *jack-pot music at the back ground* an apple. and a huge one too :p so i bravely took it out and cut myself a slice. so i'm a dork, eating an apple in a liquor-me-up party, so what!!!!! *sob sob* but it's so yummy~~~ *sob sob* "hey everyone, take a look at the dork who's eating an apple!"
five minutes later, the whole apple was gone and i only ended up having a slice, wasn't even a big slice. why? ppl started eying the apple and coming over for a slice. a couple of them actually were surprised to see an apple there and i asked did they want any, they said no, then eagerly each took a piece.
cool :)
comfort zone
i convinced myself to go to a house party last night even though i was scared to go - "go to a party where i didn't know almost ANYONE!!?? U NUTS???" but seeing now that i'm single *sob sob* and i need things to do and ppl to meet, what the heck eh? so i bravely plunged in.
just as i thought, it was mostly strangers and only a few that i've met before. my social anxiety kicked it of course, sweated quite a bit... grrrrooossss lol but yeah, i do get nervous and don't know what to do with myself when everyone else seemed to be talking to everyone else and i was the outsider. but i tried my best to relax and just interact with ppl and i had a better time than i thought i could ^_^ still need to work on my social skills though hehehe
i even met a few nice ppl and we ended up clubbing together after the party. i'm hoping i made new friends :)
last night was just the fun and loosening up that i needed.
just as i thought, it was mostly strangers and only a few that i've met before. my social anxiety kicked it of course, sweated quite a bit... grrrrooossss lol but yeah, i do get nervous and don't know what to do with myself when everyone else seemed to be talking to everyone else and i was the outsider. but i tried my best to relax and just interact with ppl and i had a better time than i thought i could ^_^ still need to work on my social skills though hehehe
i even met a few nice ppl and we ended up clubbing together after the party. i'm hoping i made new friends :)
last night was just the fun and loosening up that i needed.
Jan 13, 2007
how to go from here...
i saw him on msn just now. i messaged him. and it felt like a cold conversation. it's like both of us r trying to use a very neutral tone and choice of words to talk to each other. made me feel sad...
i wanted to talk to him more but i didn't know how or what to say. and what if he didn't want to talk to me in the first place? but i so wanna know what he's thinking and feeling...
it doesn't hurt as bad now.. but there's a hallow feeling inside of me... and i miss him
i wanted to talk to him more but i didn't know how or what to say. and what if he didn't want to talk to me in the first place? but i so wanna know what he's thinking and feeling...
it doesn't hurt as bad now.. but there's a hallow feeling inside of me... and i miss him
well...
in a few of the previous blogs, i should also have mentioned that he's a really caring guy and he did try to keep me happy even though he was thinking about breaking up. i don't want ppl who know (or know of) me and/or him to start thinking that he was a bad bf, cuz no he wasn't.
we promised to stay friends and i really would like that
we promised to stay friends and i really would like that
customer labels
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
here comes the drinking... err... i meant healing lol
five hands, five shooters, and a forehead hahahaha
actually, even though the healing might have started, it somehow was hurting just as much. waves of sadness would wash over me every now and then whenever he comes into my mind or i was reminded of him last night. but i was able to have a few short-lived moments of happiness.
in reality, of course, i was depressed 99% of the night...
head on the table, in a resturant. yeah i'm classy
so this is my birthday dinner. i swear i was trying to smile. SMILE damn it!! even sitting up felt exhausting. at the end of the dinner i just gave up and put my forehead on the table. i felt soooo good~~~~
my 27th birthday...
so yesterday was my birthday and i very devastated..
it started with me and my bf breaking up. then i drove to downtown, parked my car, cried and screamed for about 15 mins, walked to blenz for green tea, sat there dazed waiting for my birthday dinner with my friends.
to be honest, i've had a few bfs but none of them broke up with me, i was always the one who did. it's not that i wasn't serious with them, but i fell out of love while they were still in love. so i was never really that sad. however, this time karma caught with me. i was completely in love, thinking about possible versions of the future, and BAAM! i found out (he didn't tell me) that he has been wanting to break up with me (for more than 2 months) and couldn't stand spending too much time with me. it's not like i couldn't see some signs, but being in love makes u incredibly stupid; and i was stupid enough to ignore a little conversation we had earlier this week tuesday night:
me: so i had a nightmare last night..
bf: yeah?
me: i dreamt that u suddenly dumped me because u have always been only playing
around with me and never felt anything for me....
(i don't think he looked at me)
me: so am i gonna wake up one day and realize that it's been all fake.....
bf: probably not..
me: PROBABLY NOT? PROBABLY???
bf: No~~! i meant NO~~
me: ok.
as i said, incredibly stupid.
the next day, i couldn't help thinking something is seriously going on and, as karma would have it, i got 100% reliable info that 1) he has been wanting to break up with me for a while 2) he's not exactly who i thought he was 3) he has relationship issues. (it wasn't a gossip or rumor, and i didn't hack into his email account or msn or anything password related!! lol) there's no way i would be with someone after anyone one of the listed things above, let alone all...
that was wednesday and thursday. i need 2 days to digest everything and sort through my own feelings, pain, and what-the-hell-do-i-do-now kinda crap. that wasn't fun.
friday came, my birthday. we were supposed to have dinner so i went to his house and told him what i found out and how. and then the confusion started. he showed yet another side of him: it as somewhere between the "him" that's been infront of me all this time and the "him" that i found out about. it was a problem for me cuz i sorted my feelings/thoughts out in the past two days assuming that the second "him" was the real one and that was how i could pick myself up and be well. but then talking to him about everything he seemed to be not the bad "him".
but even so, he still has his relationship issues. for me, break up is inevitable. so i left and drove to downtown.
breaking up while u'r still in love hurts. it hurts so much that it would make u cry and scream in ur car. that's exactly what happened to me. what a way to start my birthday eh?
the first blog
so this is my first blog. i thought i would give it a try cuz writing stuff out is fun (especially if ppl actually r gonna read mine hehe). major events, funny stuff, cute boys' pics, random thoughts/opinions are all subject to be put here. and i promise the next post will be more interesting lol
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
